


Mistrust

by JosieRuby1



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Doubt, First War, Friendship, Marauders, Marauders era, Mistrust, Pain, first wizarding war, implied wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-10-01 21:36:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10201013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JosieRuby1/pseuds/JosieRuby1
Summary: Mistrust has a different meaning for each of the Marauders





	

Mistrust for James meant learning some dark things about himself, some things he happily would never have learnt. It meant realising that prejudice lay deep within him, as much as he out rightly denied them they were still there. It meant doubting the boy his family had taken in, the boy he had called a brother. It meant thinking that the Black family were so in with You-Know-Who that it would make sense for Sirius to have been manipulated by him. Sirius was the most likely to turn to the Dark Lord. Mistrust meant hating himself for thinking that even for a moment. It meant looking back over all the times Sirius had appeared with bruises from his so-called family, it meant remembering all the times Sirius had cried on him because of it, it meant remembering how Sirius had tried to save Regulus even after he had got the Dark Mark. It meant wondering what doubting Sirius said about himself.

Mistrust meant doubting Peter because it's always the quiet ones. Peter was the nicest type of person with never a bad word to say about anyone. It meant hating himself for not trusting the boy who had helped Remus fix his book after he almost exploded them because he knew Remus couldn't afford new ones. It meant remembering the times Peter had paced the common room almost crying on frustration at the whole war situation, his hatred and fear of it was so clear. It was realising that war made you doubt even the nicest people you knew.

Mistrust was doubting Remus and that was the worst of all. It was learning that _well he is a werewolf_ was a genuine reason James doubted him. It was hating himself for having the prejudice he had spent his entire school career fighting against. It meant realising he wasn't as good a person as he thought. It meant looking back at all the times Remus had woke up in the hospital, scared and angry and hurting and desperate, not believing that he still had friends who wanted him around.

Mistrust wasn’t a word Sirius understood in relation to the other Marauders. For him the idea of one of them betraying the rest of them was unfathomable. At different times, he had slept in the same bed of all of them, each of them smoothing his hair and whispering until he got to sleep after a nightmare or a bad trip home. Throughout their times at Hogwarts, he had gotten into trouble with all of them, laughed and cried and hugged and kissed and got smashed off their face. The Marauders were Sirius’ family, more so than the Blacks had ever been. They were the people he loved who loved him back and they were the people he trusted. With everything, with each other’s lives.

Mistrust for Remus was a pain deeper than having his organs shut down and his body ripped apart once a month. A pain deeper than he thought possible, a pain he could express or understand. It was knowing James and Lily were in danger and that it was either Peter or Sirius who did it. Peter who was so quiet and sweet and kind and loving. But had that dark humour, that dark mind sometimes. Sirius who was so clingy, so loving, Remus first love in fact. Sirius who had almost killed Snape that one time, Sirius who often put pranks above people’s safety. Mistrust was loving all of them with everything he had but overthinking everything they did, everything they said. It was watching his back and trying to protect James while keeping the others at a distance. And mistrust was knowing he was doubting one person who was innocent and not being able to stop himself.

\--

For Peter mistrust was different. Mistrust was being unsure if his friends had been right at all. Mistrust was being pulled at in two different directions and losing himself in the process. It was being completely undone from the inside out. Mistrust was feeling as used by the Marauders as by Voldemort himself. It was not knowing what to believe. Mistrust was remembering the times he was the butt of Sirius’ jokes. Mistrust was remembering the times Remus reminded him how stupid he really was. Mistrust was remembering the times James brushed him off or forgot him completely. Mistrust for Peter was believing the Dark Lord. Mistrust was giving him the information.


End file.
